I am in Pain. - Adinah Edwards

This quote fue agregado por adin
My heart is fading away and my smiles are a thing of the past. My insides are crumbling and my eyes are swollen from poisonous tears. I am bruised to the bone, that are all broken and I look like death itself. I am in pain. From your paining remarks and your cruel statements. From your looks of disappointment. From the marks of your hard hand that is as worn as the energy in my soul. I am simply... in pain.

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dvorakdan 6 años, 8 meses atrás
I am bruised to the bone, that are all broken

Yeah, that's not good writing there. The three sentence fragments that start with From wouldn't cut it in English class either. The ideas are good, but a word like paining makes them less vibrant. I also am not sure what is "worn" in the last sentence, is it the hard hand? Also, I don't think "as worn as the energy in my soul" is really a good simile at the end there, but that's more of a personal opinion. Good writing mostly, a few touch ups away from very good, I think.
teilo 8 años, 11 meses atrás
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