You've been gone - Stacy

This quote a été ajouté par stacydiaz
I found the book you made me tonight. It sent shivers down my spine when I traced the words you wrote for me. As I stare at the page you stopped writing on, I realized you've been gone. To cope with you being gone was a fraction of what I could do with the rest of my life being without you. I drowned in my own tears. I slit my throat with the thought of you. You've been gone for a while that I forced myself to forget you ever came into my life and changed me.

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dvorakdan 5 années, 4 mois avant
This is almost good. Your jumping from past to present with stare is a bit jarring as you jump right back to the past with realized. The To cope with you sentence is a bit over wordy, and probably should be rewritten a different way. Also its tense is confusing, ...was a fraction... are you done coping already, is your life over already?. The ending could be good but the lead in to the last half of the sentence is messy. You've been gone for a while that I forced myself...? Read that and see if it sounds right to you. ...for so long, for such a long while, so I forced... Even if you fix the grammar the two ideas don't seem to mix. Is it really the time that forces you to forget, or is it something else?
Imagery, very good. Expression, not quite good enough. (even now, looking at it again, I realized you've been gone is also bad. ---character limit, that's enough analysis.
murtuza.m 5 années, 8 mois avant
Very nice quote. I can relate it in my own life.

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