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Henry Rollins
You. Yes, you. Go get some sleep.

Jessica Nite
Bro, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take a break every once in a while. If your wrist …

Albert Einstein
I don't even know how to type the ² in the test as copy paste …

Alexia Orozco
De acuerdo.

RightClickMan
Nice, m'kay!

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Elie Mystal - The Deaths of 150,000 Americans are on Trump’s Hands)
Nobody will pay for these senseless deaths. Nobody will go to jail because they didn't wear a mask and infected somebody who had a pre-existing condition. No prosecutor is going to be able to make a "reckless homicide" charge stick, because all a would-be defendant has to do is say, "I was just listening to the president of the United States."

Stephen Collinson - Trump’s historic dereliction of duty laid bare
The scandal of negligence Woodward exposed is distinct from the whirlwind of political corruption, abuses of power, chaotic West Wing dramas and wild personality paroxysms that have defined Trump's presidency. He can't spin this one away as "fake news" because he is on tape. He indisputably told Woodward he purposefully minimized a once-in-a-century health crisis.

Stephen Collinson - Trump’s historic dereliction of duty laid bare
The 190,000 American families who lost loved ones and could never say goodbye, the millions of unemployed, the business owners who went bust, a generation of kids who haven't been in class for months and everyone else self-distanced from their regular lives now face the same question: How different would things have been had the President done his job properly?

Stephen Collinson - Trump’s historic dereliction of duty laid bare
Millions of lives and livelihoods depend on the character, competence, altruism and integrity of the person in the Oval Office - whatever their party or ideology. But President Donald Trump - as he devastatingly revealed in his own voice to Bob Woodward - met the great crisis of his age with ineptness, dishonesty and an epic dereliction of duty.

Arwa Mahdawi - Cheating is a way of life or Donald Trump – and now it’s his election strategy
Trump is not even trying to hide what he is doing: he admitted last week that he does not want to give the USPS additional money because he does not want to make voting easier. The corruption is so blatant that, if it were going on in any other country, the US would have invaded and promised to install democracy.

Jimmy Kimmel - On Donald Trump....
He likes to have his name on things: buildings, vodka, you name it. At this point, he would sign anything if it meant getting rid of Obamacare. He'd sign copies of the Quran at the Barnes and Noble in Fallujah if it meant he could get rid of Obamacare. He doesn't know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid; he barely knows the difference between Melania and Ivanka.

Adam Serwer - article in The Atlantic; “The Cruelty is the Point”
The political movement that elected a president who wanted to ban immigration by adherents of an entire religion, who encourages police to brutalize suspects, and who has destroyed thousands of immigrant families for violations of the law less serious than those of which he and his coterie stand accused, now laments the state of due process.

Adam Serwer - article in The Atlantic; “The Cruelty is the Point”
Even those who believe that Christine Blasey Ford fabricated her account, or was mistaken in its details, can see that the president's mocking of her testimony renders all sexual-assault survivors collateral damage. Anyone afraid of coming forward, afraid that she would not be believed, can now look to the president to see her fears realized. Once malice is embraced as a virtue, it is impossible to contain.

Jim Carrey - article in The Atlantic: “Truth, Justice and a World Without Trump”
Trump's party has no platform other than the promise of more wealth for the few and "law and order" for the dispossessed. His presidency has seen markets rise, and corporations prosper, even as ordinary Americans suffer and go without, in this economy of larceny and lies. This is true even for his most devoted supporters, who are now fully aware that he is trying to sabotage our election. I only hope the red hats are edible.

Jim Carrey - Truth, Justice and a World Without Trump
Where did the modern Republican Party's cruelty come from? Too many Americans support Trump because he appeals to their basest and most primitive urges, through his racism, his misogyny, his mockery of the disabled, and his encouragement of violence during his campaign. If you consider yourself a patriot, know full well that the direction the Republican Party has taken threatens to obliterate America's once hopeful experiment in liberty.

Jim Carrey - Truth, Justice and a World Without Trump
How did a bourgeois New York con artist convince so many people he was on their side? Was it the trucker's hat? I'm wearing sandals right now, but that doesn't make me Gandhi. Was it the fawning coverage on cable news? I know funny; Fox News is a joke that's not funny, and it's being told at the expense of our democracy.

Jim Carrey - Truth, Justice and a World Without Trump
Those in the audience on the South Lawn of the White House might have believed their lives were their own to lose, but they now risk infecting other Americans. Trump and the GOP have decided not to heed science, leaving us helpless during a plague. But as far as I know, plagues don't care about reelection campaigns. They don't wither in the face of the Secret Service or succumb to the intimidation of goon squads. And they don't respect the families of gluttonous aspiring monarchs.

Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for better treatment? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting! If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts
Sometimes I just feel like curling up on the floor in front of the fireplace, and just rolling around the room, like a tumbleweed, and not even caring if I knock things over, or break them. And if people get mad, maybe because it's their house or something, you can just shake your head and go, "What happened?"

Frank Guerin - on jesus
So let me get this straight, the unending, all-powerful force of creation that hand-made the universe funneled himself into the body of a human fetus and then teleported the fetus into the uterus of a married virgin. He then spent 30 years on earth walking around doing basically nothing and then one day rearranged reality to set in motion events that would lead to his own death, effectively committing suicide.

Esiah Zakite - On religion (edited)
Religious people suffer less depression, less stress and have a more positive outlook on life. But then so do the mentally retarded. Take a moment to ruminate on that.

Geoff Mather - On religion...
Can I just pin you down a little here? What exactly IS a god? You don't know. What is it made of? You don't know. Where is it? You don't know. You learnt about it from a Bronze Age book that claims truth for itself. And at your parents' knee. Is that where your outrageous certainty comes from?

Thomas Paine - The Age of Reason
The most detestable wickedness and the greatest miseries that have afflicted the human race have had their origin in this thing called revelation. It has been the most destructive to the peace of man since man began to exist. Among the most detestable villains in history, you could not find one worse than Moses, who gave an order to butcher the boys, to massacre the mothers and then rape the daughters. One of the most horrible atrocities found in the literature of any nation.

Kurt Vonnegut - Breakfast of Champions
People took such awful chances with chemicals and their bodies because they wanted the quality of their lives to improve. They lived in ugly places where there were only ugly things to do. They didn't own doodley-squat, so they couldn't improve their surroundings. So they did their best to make their insides beautiful instead. The results had been catastrophic so far - suicide, theft, murder, and insanity and so on. But new chemicals were coming onto the market all the time.