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Henry Rollins
You. Yes, you. Go get some sleep.

Jessica Nite
Bro, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take a break every once in a while. If your wrist …

Albert Einstein
I don't even know how to type the ² in the test as copy paste …

Alexia Orozco
De acuerdo.

RightClickMan
Nice, m'kay!

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Capcom - Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate
This quest is for experienced Special Permit holders only. Your target is a Bloodbath Diablos in the desert. Careful, though - if you faint even once you'll lose your reward and fail the quest, so keep an eye on your health.

Sunset Games - FTL: Faster Than Light
It takes some time, and the virus is slippery, but you eventually confine it to a useless sub-system prison where it frantically begins calculating insults at you. You eject the system from the ship and then silence the little binary criminal with your weapons.

Konami Amusement - jubeat - tutorial
Touch the panels on the screen at the right time in rhythm to the music. This is a Marker. Touch the panels with perfect timing to get a higher score. Bad timing equals bad scores. Touch now. Timing is key. Touch the Marker the instant it starts to close in time to the rhythm of the music.

Nether News - Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance
We have conducted an in-depth report on Utsuki the Rabbit. We asked what was the secret to harvesting delicious carrots, and he answered, "Love." How unfortunate.

Nether News - Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance
We have conducted an in-depth report on Pharaoh the Chimera. Our crew wanted to experience a Chimera's curse firsthand, but they all passed out right away. Curses are real.

Florkofcows
Hey there Iowa, come on down to my Dunkin' Donuts franchise. The only Dunkin' Donut franchise with its own nuclear reactor! Now you're probably saying, "Donut Dan why ain't you powering the state with your nuclear reactor in your Dunkin' Donut franchise?" Well I just don't feel like it.

Cpt. James T. Kirk - Star Trek - "The Changeling"
You are wrong! Jackson Roykirk, your creator, is dead. You have mistaken me for him. You are in error. You did not discover your mistake; you have made two errors. You are flawed and imperfect, and you have not corrected by sterilization; you have made three errors! You are flawed, and imperfect! Execute your prime function!

Caleb Goldman - The House of the Dead 2
I'm fully aware of what I'm doing! Can't you see? Man committed a sin: disturbing the life cycle of nature. The original sin that man is responsible to: to protect the life cycle. I have made a creature to rule over mankind! This is the final battle! Show yourself, our new ruler, The Emperor!

Sung Won Cho / "ProZD" - A villain who unintentionally always does helpful things
Actually, because you poisoned the water supply, we discovered that the city's pipe infrastructure is really severely outdated. So thank you for bringing our attention to that, millions of people could've gotten really sick over the next few years. Secondly, because you snuck past the security system so easily, we found out that funds specifically for that security system were being embezzled by government officials, so we've busted a major fraud ring.

siromaru and cranky - conflict
If two implacable foes are both fighting for what they hold most dear, what lengths will they go to in their struggle to prevail? And how much further will they go if what they're both fighting for is the same thing? In a desperate conflict with a ruthless enemy...

Squidward Tentacles - SpongeBob SquarePants - "Band Geeks"
Well, this is our last night together before the show. And I know that none of you improved since we began, but I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right? So, if we play loud, people might think we're good! Everybody ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!

Sans the Skeleton - Undertale
I'll be honest. I have no idea what happened for you to get here. This is actually some sort of error-handling message. So, if you're getting this ending, tell whoever made the game, okay? They'll fix it, or if it's a novel situation, they might even add another ending to the game. Chances are though, you're just a dirty hacker, aren't you? Yeah, get outta here.

Pearl - Splatoon 2
'Rina, do you remember why we started Off the Hook in the first place? We were sick of hearing the same stale top-20 songs on repeat every day. We promised that we'd never stop shaking things up. That we'd never conform.

Phoenix Wright - Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Difficult-looking legal books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too.