Stanley Hudson, The Office
- Toasters
I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.
Danielle de Barbarac, Ever After
- Thieves
If you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?
Miss Calleros - Into the Spider-verse
If a person wearing a blindfold picked the answers on a true-or-false quiz at random, do you know what score they would get? The only way to get all the answers wrong is to know which answers are right.
The Office
- Michael's Birthday - Seven
When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids. And I got a really bad rash. From the pony. And all the kids got to ride the pony. And I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me, for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out, the pony was already in the truck and around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.
